Mission: Implausible

Exterminate Yous - All of Yous

Like the meaning of life and absolute truth, English speaking people are globally searching - often subconsciously - to find a Plural Third Person Pronoun. We all know there should be some solution within the reach of mortal man - it screams to be found - and in this modern era we have attempted to fill that void with misconceived and faulty answers. The most infamous of these is the repugnant word “Yous”. It has spread throughout our society, infiltrating even one of the highest and most respectable paragons of our culture: the television advertisement.

Also like meaning in life and truth, the answer can be found in that which modern man has cast aside as obsolete and antiquated. Our forebears made wide use of the Personal Pronouns “Thou” and “Ye”, but to hope that we could return to this form of language, however practical, would seem to be more than could be asked of this ever-advancing generation.

Unlike meaning and absolute truth, in language at least we can happily compromise. I suggest we take our language deftly and deliberately into our own hands, modeling a new word of reasonable respectability to fill the vacuum left by the exclusion of the more archaic Personal Pronouns and to finally exterminate that unacceptable, unrefined and undignified word. We must cast it from our linguistic presence - our great and noble society depends upon it.